The worst two months of my life....
The last two months of my life have been the worst of my life so far. Ever since I've turned 21, my emotional state has been rock bottom, with the exception of one or two days, and I've felt like utter crap most of the time, even if I appear normal and happy when I'm out.
And I've been out a hell of a lot. I've eaten out almost every single day of the past 2 months, and I've seen my friends so much more than I've ever seen them before. I have had some really good times with them, and if it wasn't for this underlying crap, I'd say that the past two months have been one of the best periods of my life. But they're not, because I can't deal with breaking up with Kim.
And today has quite possibly been the worst day in those two months. I had a talk with Kim early afternoon, and then just spent the afternoon lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling so utterly lost, alone, confused, desolate... I couldn't think straight about anything, and I felt physically ill. I'm having so much trouble getting to grips with this whole situation, it's untrue.
I wasn't expecting Kim to breakup with me at all, and I could expect to feel like this just after that, but 2 months on? I saw her yesterday for the first time in almost 2 weeks, and I almost broke down in tears. I try and hide it as much as possible, but I'm an utter emotional wreck at the moment.
I also feel that my inability to deal with Kim breaking up with me, and then Kim getting together with Alex, has made things so much worse between us than if I had been able to simple say ok, and deal with it and move on. I just don't understand why I find it so difficult to stop thinking about her, to stop thinking about her. I feel like I'm becoming obsessive with this whole thing, and my apparant inability to move on is worrying me.
But I love her, so what can I do? :(
And I've been out a hell of a lot. I've eaten out almost every single day of the past 2 months, and I've seen my friends so much more than I've ever seen them before. I have had some really good times with them, and if it wasn't for this underlying crap, I'd say that the past two months have been one of the best periods of my life. But they're not, because I can't deal with breaking up with Kim.
And today has quite possibly been the worst day in those two months. I had a talk with Kim early afternoon, and then just spent the afternoon lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling so utterly lost, alone, confused, desolate... I couldn't think straight about anything, and I felt physically ill. I'm having so much trouble getting to grips with this whole situation, it's untrue.
I wasn't expecting Kim to breakup with me at all, and I could expect to feel like this just after that, but 2 months on? I saw her yesterday for the first time in almost 2 weeks, and I almost broke down in tears. I try and hide it as much as possible, but I'm an utter emotional wreck at the moment.
I also feel that my inability to deal with Kim breaking up with me, and then Kim getting together with Alex, has made things so much worse between us than if I had been able to simple say ok, and deal with it and move on. I just don't understand why I find it so difficult to stop thinking about her, to stop thinking about her. I feel like I'm becoming obsessive with this whole thing, and my apparant inability to move on is worrying me.
But I love her, so what can I do? :(
posted by Nebhead at
06:37
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